COURTSHIP LOVE AND PREMARITAL SEX This information clearly demonstrates a shift toward free-choice matches ger the past five decades, from a mere 7 per cent in the 1960s to 36 per cent in the 1990s. This trend was accompanied by a sharp decline in arranged marriages-from a dominant 73 per cent in the 1950s to a mere ll per cent in the 1960s and none at all in the 1990s but table 1 also shows that the majority of Xiajia villagers throughout the past four decades have been introduced to their spouses by an intermediary Such a tripartite classification is commonly used in studies of spouse selection in China. 4 However, this typology cannot reflect the complexity of matches-by-introduction. In practice, the formal introduction often results from previous interactions between a young man and woman. In some cases parents exercise a heavy influence though the intermediary, and in others the introduction is only a formality after the young couple has already started a romantic courtship in private. Yet there are also cases where parents and the young people reach a compromise. As Parish and Whyte observed:"In most cases mate choice involves double approval and a double veto power; both the young people and their respective parents must agree. Few young people are pressured into a match and few couples marry in defiance of parental wishes" I5 To focus on the actual decision-making practices, I have followed the approach previously used by Parish and Whyte and have reclassified the 484 cases in my survey into two categories. The first is"youth dominance, which includes both cases of free choice and of matches-by-introduction in which the couple played the dominant role or took the initiative. The second category, parental dominance", covers both arranged marriages and matches-by introduction in which the parents played the dominant role. The results of this eclassification are shown in Table 2 Table 2: Dominance in Spouse Selection in Xiajia Village, 1949-99 1949591960691970-79198089199099 Total Parents 87% 38% 28% 25% 13% 62% 72% 75% 76% (38) (74) (128) (132) (112)(484) See, e.g., Xu Anqi(ed ) Shiji zhe jiao Zhongguoren de aiging he hunyin(Love and Marriage among the Chinese at the Turn of the Century)( Beijing: Zhongguo shehui kexue Chubanshe, 1997) Parish and Whyte, Village and Family in Contemporary China, p. 173
COURTSHIP, LOVE AND PREMARITAL SEX This information clearly demonstrates a shift toward free-choice matches over the past five decades, from a mere 7 per cent in the 1960s to 36 per cent in the 1990s. This trend was accompanied by a sharp decline in arranged marriages-from a dominant 73 per cent in the 1950s to a mere 11 per cent in the 1960s and none at all in the 1990s. But Table 1 also shows that the majority of Xiajia villagers throughout the past four decades have been introduced to their spouses by an intermediary. Such a tripartite classification is commonly used in studies of spouse selection in China.'4 However, this typology cannot reflect the complexity of matches-by-introduction. In practice, the formal introduction often results from previous interactions between a young man and woman. In some cases parents exercise a heavy influence though the intermediary, and in others the introduction is only a formality after the young couple has already started a romantic courtship in private. Yet there are also cases where parents and the young people reach a compromise. As Parish and Whyte observed: "In most cases mate choice involves double approval and a double veto power; both the young people and their respective parents must agree. Few young people are pressured into a match, and few couples marry in defiance of parental wishes".5 To focus on the actual decision-making practices, I have followed the approach previously used by Parish and Whyte and have reclassified the 484 cases in my survey into two categories. The first is "youth dominance", which includes both cases of free choice and of matches-by-introduction in which the couple played the dominant role or took the initiative. The second category, "parental dominance", covers both arranged marriages and matches-byintroduction in which the parents played the dominant role. The results of this reclassification are shown in Table 2. Table 2: Dominance in Spouse Selection in Xiajia Village, 1949-99 1949-59 1960-69 1970-79 1980-89 1990-99 Total Parents 87% 38% 28% 25% 24% Young couple 13% 62% 72% 75% 76% (N) (38) (74) (128) (132) (112) (484) '4 See, e.g., Xu Anqi (ed.), Shiji zhe jiao Zhongguoren de aiqing he hunyin (Love and Marriage among the Chinese at the Turn of the Century) (Beijing: Zhongguo shehui kexue Chubanshe, 1997). '5 Parish and Whyte, Village and Family in Contemporary China, p. 173. 33
THE CHINA JOURNAL NO 48 Here it is interesting to compare the Xiajia case with Parish and Whyte's 1978 study. Parish and White found that parental dominance in mate choice had declined from 83 per cent in the 1950s to 41 per cent by the mid-1960s and to 38 r cent by the mid-1970s. My Xiajia survey reveals a similar trend of increased youth autonomy, as cases of parental dominance fell from 87 per cent in the 1950s to 28 per cent in the 1970s. However, this trend halted at the level of the 1970s, as parents still played a dominant role in nearly a quarter of the marriage ases during the 1980s and 1990s. Does this mean the growth of youth autonomy reached a ceiling by the end of the 1970s? To understand this phenomenon, we must take two factors consideration. First, it is unrealistic to expect the total disappearance of parental participation in spouse selection. Given that some youths even today rely on the parents to take the initiative in this, the crucial question here is to determine hether the young people agree to a given choice of spouse. To answer this some Chinese scholars use a more case-sensitive standard heir surveys, distinguishing between"parents dominate, children dissatisfied"and"parents dominate, children satisfied,. Moreover, as the terms parental dominance and youth dominance focus mostly on who makes the initial proposal in a given case these labels tell us little about the actual interactions between young men and women in the process. This is particularly problematic in dealing with the more recent cases, as virtually all engagements since the 1970s have been based on the young people's consent, which made the presence or absence of parental involvement in spouse selection less important than before The survey figures alone, therefore, cannot present the whole picture about the complex dynamics of courtship. For instance, a scrutiny of the matches-by introduction marriages reveals that love and affection also have a place in man of these cases. a finding that echoes Victor De Munck's observation of romantically motivated arranged marriages"in rural Sri Lanka. Two trends deserve close attention. In most cases of village endogamy, brides and grooms already knew their prospective mates before they were formally brought together by an introducer. The introducer, who could be a relative, a friend, a leader of the collective or even a semi-professional matchmaker, often serves as an intermediary to negotiate the amount of marriage gifts exchanged between the two families. Actually, in some cases, an introducer is called in only for ritual Parish and Whyte, Village and Family in Contemporary China, p. I See Xu, Shiji zhe jiao Zhongguoren de aiqing he hunyin, p. 44 18 In an excellent analysis of romantic love and cross-cousin marriage, De Munck argues that the dichotomy between romantic love and arranged marriage has prevented scholars from understanding the complex richness of the emotional world of villagers. He shows that more than 70 per cent of the cross-cousin marriages arranged by parents actually involved prior romantic love, concluding that"contrary to conventional wisdom, romantic love does play a significant role in a community where parents officially select an offsprings mate American Ethnolog ist, Vol 23, No 4(1996),p. 711
34 THE CHINA JOURNAL, NO. 48 Here it is interesting to compare the Xiajia case with Parish and Whyte's 1978 study. Parish and White found that parental dominance in mate choice had declined from 83 per cent in the 1950s to 41 per cent by the mid-1960s and to 38 per cent by the mid-1970s.'6 My Xiajia survey reveals a similar trend of increased youth autonomy, as cases of parental dominance fell from 87 per cent in the 1950s to 28 per cent in the 1970s. However, this trend halted at the level of the 1970s, as parents still played a dominant role in nearly a quarter of the marriage cases during the 1980s and 1990s. Does this mean the growth of youth autonomy reached a ceiling by the end of the 1970s? To understand this phenomenon, we must take two factors into consideration. First, it is unrealistic to expect the total disappearance of parental participation in spouse selection. Given that some youths even today rely on their parents to take the initiative in this, the crucial question here is to determine whether the young people agree to a given choice of spouse. To answer this some Chinese scholars use a more case-sensitive standard in their surveys, distinguishing between "parents dominate, children dissatisfied" and "parents dominate, children satisfied".'7 Moreover, as the terms parental dominance and youth dominance focus mostly on who makes the initial proposal in a given case, these labels tell us little about the actual interactions between young men and women in the process. This is particularly problematic in dealing with the more recent cases, as virtually all engagements since the 1970s have been based on the young people's consent, which made the presence or absence of parental involvement in spouse selection less important than before. The survey figures alone, therefore, cannot present the whole picture about the complex dynamics of courtship. For instance, a scrutiny of the matches-byintroduction marriages reveals that love and affection also have a place in many of these cases, a finding that echoes Victor De Munck's observation of "romantically motivated arranged marriages" in rural Sri Lanka.'8 Two trends deserve close attention. In most cases of village endogamy, brides and grooms already knew their prospective mates before they were formally brought together by an introducer. The introducer, who could be a relative, a friend, a leader of the collective or even a semi-professional matchmaker, often serves as an intermediary to negotiate the amount of marriage gifts exchanged between the two families. Actually, in some cases, an introducer is called in only for ritual 16 Parish and Whyte, Village and Family in Contemporary China, p. 174. 17 See Xu, Shiji zhe jiao Zhongguoren de aiqing he hunyin, p. 44. In an excellent analysis of romantic love and cross-cousin marriage, De Munck argues that the dichotomy between romantic love and arranged marriage has prevented scholars from understanding the complex richness of the emotional world of villagers. He shows that more than 70 per cent of the cross-cousin marriages arranged by parents actually involved prior romantic love, concluding that "contrary to conventional wisdom, romantic love does play a significant role in a community where parents officially select an offspring's mate", American Ethnologist, Vol. 23, No. 4 (1996), p. 711
COURTSHIP. LOVE AND PREMARITAL SEX purposes, because the couple has already worked out all the details, including the amount of bridewealth and dowry. In the second type of introduction, couples do each other well beforehand, but they fall in love during the post engagement period. This type is more normal in cases of village exogamy, especially among couples where one of the betrothed lives far away from Xiajia Finally, even in some cases of spouse selection where the opinions of the parents dominate, couples develop romantic feelings after their engagement. In 1998, for instance, the son of an ordinary household was engaged to the daughter of the Party secretary. The son's mother favoured the engagement, which she regarded as a personal victory in establishing a powerful kinship alliance, and thus she offered a very high bridewealth. Her son initially was rather passive, merely accepting his mother's aggressive arrangements. But once he and the girl got to know one another after their engagement, he became a vigorous suitor who would do anything to please his fiancee. She taught the preschool class in the illage school, and he often accompanied her to her class, helping her to maintain classroom order and to collect the homework. Some children became confused and told their parents that they had two teachers in their class, which quickly became a local joke The Social Space of Courtship: 1950s to 1990s In their 1978 study, Parish and whyte concluded that, "in considering freedom of mate choice, the most important things are the opportunities young people have to meet or to be introduced to a potential mate". 9 This applies to Xiajia, where the availability of social space stands out as one of the most important factors in the development of romance and intimacy. After the land reform campaign various forms of meetings and public rallies became a part of village life. Many villagers belonged to Party-sponsored organizations such as the Youth League the women's Association, the village militia, and the association of poor Peasants, which held their own meetings and activities; while Party members had regular Party meetings and study lessons.2 Village youths were also mobilized to participate in various forms of public activities sponsored by the collectives, such as the village performance troupe, movie shows, sports activities and organized volunteer work According to many informants, the 1960s and 1970s were a springtime for the new patterns of courtship. The leadership in Xiajia village in the early 1960s took the lessons of the Great Leap seriously and tried to focus on agricultural production in a pragmatic manner. As a result, productivity started to improve Parish and Whyte, village and Family in Contemporary China, p. 180 For a detailed study of village political life during the collective era, see Anita Cha Richard Madsen and Jonathan Unger, Chen Village under Mao and Deng(Berkeley University of California Press, 1992). Chs 1-9
COURTSHIP, LOVE AND PREMARITAL SEX purposes, because the couple has already worked out all the details, including the amount of bridewealth and dowry. In the second type of introduction, couples do not know each other well beforehand, but they fall in love during the postengagement period. This type is more normal in cases of village exogamy, especially among couples where one of the betrothed lives far away from Xiajia village. Finally, even in some cases of spouse selection where the opinions of the parents dominate, couples develop romantic feelings after their engagement. In 1998, for instance, the son of an ordinary household was engaged to the daughter of the Party secretary. The son's mother favoured the engagement, which she regarded as a personal victory in establishing a powerful kinship alliance, and thus she offered a very high bridewealth. Her son initially was rather passive, merely accepting his mother's aggressive arrangements. But once he and the girl got to know one another after their engagement, he became a vigorous suitor who would do anything to please his fiancee. She taught the preschool class in the village school, and he often accompanied her to her class, helping her to maintain classroom order and to collect the homework. Some children became confused and told their parents that they had two teachers in their class, which quickly became a local joke. The Social Space of Courtship: 1950s to 1990s In their 1978 study, Parish and Whyte concluded that, "in considering freedom of mate choice, the most important things are the opportunities young people have to meet or to be introduced to a potential mate".19 This applies to Xiajia, where the availability of social space stands out as one of the most important factors in the development of romance and intimacy. After the land reform campaign, various forms of meetings and public rallies became a part of village life. Many villagers belonged to Party-sponsored organizations such as the Youth League, the Women's Association, the village militia, and the Association of Poor Peasants, which held their own meetings and activities; while Party members had regular Party meetings and study lessons.20 Village youths were also mobilized to participate in various forms of public activities sponsored by the collectives, such as the village performance troupe, movie shows, sports activities and organized volunteer work. According to many informants, the 1960s and 1970s were a springtime for the new patterns of courtship. The leadership in Xiajia village in the early 1960s took the lessons of the Great Leap seriously and tried to focus on agricultural production in a pragmatic manner. As a result, productivity started to improve, 9Parish and Whyte, Village and Family in Contemporary China, p. 180. 20 For a detailed study of village political life during the collective era, see Anita Chan, Richard Madsen and Jonathan Unger, Chen Village under Mao and Deng (Berkeley: University of California Press, 1992), Chs 1-9. 35
and the village enjoyed relative peace and prosperity during the subsequent two ecades. The stable collective economy provided a good base for the development of a new style of public life, centring on the promotion of collectivism and socialist values, and of a new social space whereby village youth of opposite sexes could meet together in various social activities ided that ideal for and women who purposely chose to stand at the outer edge of the audience and who paid more attention to each other than to the movie screen or basketball match. Working in the fields, however, offered the most frequent opportunities for young villagers to see, talk and work for many hours together among peers of the opposite sex, especially during the busy seasons of spring ploughing, summer hoeing and autumn harvesting The collectives were officially dismantled by the end of 1983, and by the following spring villagers found themselves tending numerous small plots of farmland, working with only family members. Many villagers recalled that initially it felt odd to work apart from other villagers. The youths particularly disliked this new type of family farming because, as one of them put it, it was ooP y: younger generation, which had grown up in the late 1980s and early ing and cold 1990s did not benefit from the land distribution in 1983 and thus became landless labourers in the village. They, more than other villagers, needed to seek jobs outside the community. As noted, the experience of working in cities has had a profound influence on their values and aspirations. This has created a generational gap in village society. A 20-year-old man relates My parents al ways tell me what I should do, how I should talk with people and what kind of family I should have in the future. This is all rubbish. They do not realize how pitiful their lives are and how little they know about the world. My father has never gone more than 200 kilometres away from the village, and my mother only visited the county seat twice. They probably know no more than thirty people outside the village, all of whom are our relatives. I've worked in five cities in the past three years, including Beijing, and I am acquainted with several hundred people. Yesterday my mother tried to teach me how to talk properly with a girl, because she is trying to find a wife for me in her parents' village. But she doesnt now that I had a girlfriend when I worked in Beijing and I know everything abo women. Isnt this funny! Once in the cities, young villagers frequently have encountered urban prejudices and stereotyping of peasants. To survive in this modern yet hostile urban setting, villagers have to rely on support from their own social networks. In Yan, "Rural Youth and Youth Culture in North Chir See. e.g., Pun Ngai, "Becoming Dagongmei(Working Girls): The Politics of Identity and Difference in Reform China", The China Journal, No 42(July 1999), pp 1-18
36 THE CHINA JOURNAL, NO. 48 and the village enjoyed relative peace and prosperity during the subsequent two decades. The stable collective economy provided a good base for the development of a new style of public life, centring on the promotion of collectivism and socialist values, and of a new social space whereby village youth of opposite sexes could meet together in various social activities. Movies and basketball matches provided occasions that were ideal for courtship. As many villagers recalled, there were always a number of young men and women who purposely chose to stand at the outer edge of the audience and who paid more attention to each other than to the movie screen or basketball match. Working in the fields, however, offered the most frequent opportunities for young villagers to see, talk and work for many hours together among peers of the opposite sex, especially during the busy seasons of spring ploughing, summer hoeing and autumn harvesting. The collectives were officially dismantled by the end of 1983, and by the following spring villagers found themselves tending numerous small plots of farmland, working with only family members. Many villagers recalled that initially it felt odd to work apart from other villagers. The youths particularly disliked this new type of family farming because, as one of them put it, it was "boring and cold". A yet younger generation, which had grown up in the late 1980s and early 1990s, did not benefit from the land distribution in 1983 and thus became landless labourers in the village. They, more than other villagers, needed to seek jobs outside the community. As noted, the experience of working in cities has had a profound influence on their values and aspirations. This has created a generational gap in village society. A 20-year-old man relates: My parents always tell me what I should do, how I should talk with people and what kind of family I should have in the future. This is all rubbish. They do not realize how pitiful their lives are and how little they know about the world. My father has never gone more than 200 kilometres away from the village, and my mother only visited the county seat twice. They probably know no more than thirty people outside the village, all of whom are our relatives. I've worked in five cities in the past three years, including Beijing, and I am acquainted with several hundred people. Yesterday my mother tried to teach me how to talk properly with a girl, because she is trying to find a wife for me in her parents' village. But she doesn't know that I had a girlfriend when I worked in Beijing and I know everything about women. Isn't this funny!21 Once in the cities, young villagers frequently have encountered urban prejudices and stereotyping of peasants.2 To survive in this modem yet hostile urban setting, villagers have to rely on support from their own social networks. In 21 Yan, "Rural Youth and Youth Culture in North China", p. 80. 2 See. e.g., Pun Ngai, "Becoming Dagongmei (Working Girls): The Politics of Identity and Difference in Reform China", The China Journal, No. 42 (July 1999), pp. 1-18