BY AUGUST he'd moved nine times,in a spiral away from his THE BASEMENT IN of his hopes for a life.It was no golden time.He might gild it, Home!And yet his life there,no;it didn't begin to fill the measure him.He missed his home,missed having a place that was home. but with it his past,the twin engine that might have sustained So it was that Ralph felt not only his future to have failed, call that a life and be satisfied? much as he was going to,loved as much as he was going to, back more than forward,that one day he'll have achieved as roots in what everybody knows ..…an -that one day a person looks And then there was another pain too,quieter,weightier,its sky?Once Ralph could imagine his parents watching,breathless, should have climbed and burst,blooming,a fire-flower in the and who doesn't hurt when he sees his life fizzling,his life that what he was.Gone out.Looking to the future,he saw no future; was off,some knob turned all the way up.Exhausted,that's everything blared and reverberated as though some adjustment Ralph's true self come to rot at his feet.Everything signified, barefoot,lacking friction,Nearsighted.Everyday events seemed Little Lou would watch,blank. they could sit for a quarter hour at a time in complete silence
"Whaat?" still kicking,to drain.Later,a roll in hot water,to loosen the he'd snap the victim's neck,bare its jugular,slit it.Into the barrel, or troublesome of the birds.A practiced look through the ranks; though indigenous to this world.Instinct- first the most sickly second week he only blanched,and by the third he worked as snakes against another-he would kill and clean and pluck Ralph's non-life began.At dawn he would get up,wash,put guessed Yeah,he could use someone.Sure. doing. Still he was early.He tried to relax. thing that looked like a washcloth on his head. though it was not of an engineer,but only a miner,with some- He admired the statue in front of the engineering building, rising like important ideas from pedestrian plots of short grass. admired the herringbone brick paths.He admired the sycamores, carefully for the visit,in clean clothes.He was there,on campus, a few days,called.Pinkus agreed to see him.Ralph dressed they surged like a rain-drunk river.He got his books out,studied Now Ralph knew better than to let his hopes swell but still "Go,"he advised. named chairman of the department. one evening Little Lou came to visit with news.Pinkus had been How long did this go on?He couldn't have said.Ages.Until light,shapes-until his eyes readjusted. to work,seeing nothing-spinning halos,that was,spots of Then the door would clang shut,and he would sit back down snow of sun-spangled dust,his mute communication to the out- priest would proffer up through the unearthly shaft,through the beam of light.The rabbits would freeze,eyes glowing red;the would open,lowering into the basement an almost intolerable and then,like the gates of the Western Paradise,the trap door walls.Ralph would wash his hands,a.ritual.Scraping noises; ment.The times it did,the animals would nose at their wire for a pickup.The.times it didn't mean that were a disappoint- That meant,most of the time,that some restaurant was ready down the stairs,but only shouted from the landing for a count
to left.Then again,left to right. "And they said what?" "Yes." "You've asked them already?" "Cannot do." Student Office... Pinkus scratched his chin."I tell you who to call.The Foreign "Don't know." "You don't know,or you won't say?" "Don't know." to me how this happened,with your visa." "Visa." "Please explain to me one thing,"said Pinkus."Please explain "But your visa.How'd I know that?Your visa,right?" "You'd like to finish your Ph.D." "I like,"managed Ralph,"finish my Ph.D." "What is this,twenty questions?" What could Ralph have said then?He shook his head,shamed. Something you'd like to tell me?" Pinkus tried again."Is there something you'd like to ask me? Over his head hung a clock. He said this quickly,though,like a man on a schedule. e Until he was late.Why hadn't he worn his watch? 5· Sometimes after he looked,he'd lift up the metal flap and feel Every day Ralph ran to his mailbox,only to find it empty call,I'll get back to you. Ralph nodded. straighten you out. Ralph nodded. 8. ."He looked at his watch."But tomorrow,I'll give him a "Give me some time,I'll give him a call.Not today,today "Who doesn't like you?" "Don't like me,"managed Ralph. "What I'm going to do is call up George Fitt and get him to Ralph said nothing. "What I'm going to do is call up the Foreign Student Office." "You're a good man.I'm going to help you." Ralph didn't know what to say. front door.Listen to me.You want to get somewhere,don't at his windows,his desk,his shelves of books."Through the is China,this is America,and you see?"He waved his hand think I don't know?I have ears,I listen,I know.But China way.I know,in China,everything's through the back door.You something.The best way to handle your problem is the honest and,excuse me,neither do I like to hear them.Let me tell you "Listen,"he said finally,slower now."I don't like to tell lies
weeks. He tried to muster the nerve to go up to Pinkus,but he might carried an ivory-handled walking stick. twin frost-tipped yews,which in turn set off a short,wide stair- street.A big lit globe shone on either side of the doorway,above house,a handsome three-window-wide brownstone on a clean And now Ralph spent whole evenings admiring Pinkus's hands.So show me. But there Pinkus was,rolling up his sleeves,watching Ralph's sort of work isn't for you No,Ralph would insist.No,no,no.You're a professor,this Pinkus kneel down beside him,offer to help with the plucking. step out from behind the cuicken crates,apologetic.He'd see it was in a kind of fever.Sometimes at work,he'd see Pinkus Pinkus,Pinkus,Pinkus.When Ralph thought about him now, again-he looked in the phone book,found out where Pinkus Or so he said.When the phone calls started again,though- barians.It was what a skirt chaser deserved. what happened when a son left his family in the hands of bar- the mailbox disheartened. This went on for one week,two something new to fuel him.And each day he'd come away from chickens,a mistake in his wages to his favor-every time At work he'd see signs of his luck turning-a run of placid he'd replay the scene,Pinkus's office growing larger and larger. Yet still,each day,Ralph found his hope rising.In his mind Pinkus stand up to him? had a big office,but Mr.Fitt was still Mr.Fitt.How could 2b. Pinkus looked down, "Hello?"said Ralph. Ralph stared,for a long time. it;she kissed him,right there,for a long time. Now this was a daring thing,almost enough to make up for He took another loop around Pinkus's neighborhood.He as well have been asking him for a date.Perhaps he should 9-
around them,ran. Ralph tried to nod. don't sneak around." Ralph edged back. daughter's wearing a whistle." "Wha?"Ralph started. hear me?" "Hello!" ing by itself. He sliced a sliver off one of his nails,touched the blade to the At home,he took a cleaver,turned it over and over in his hand. stepped forward;Pinkus stepped back;and Ralph,ducking Just then another person tried to sidle through.The person You keep hanging around my daughter,I'll shoot you!" "We don't sneak around!"shouted Pinkus."We have morals! "Do you hear me?This is America you're in now.If you want to George Fitt.I'm telling you now,I've called the police.My You keep hanging around my house,you'll get arrested,you "Not only do I know you're a liar,I know you're a sneak. This time Ralph moved to let someone by. continued Pinkus. "Not only do I know who you are,I know what you are," "Of course,"said Pinkus."What,you think I don't know who "I'm Ralph.Ralph Chang."Ralph's mouth seemed to be talk- his door. house. everything? batter,so much chocolate,cut into each other with a knife.He days and nights marbled together as though so much vanilla But what did Ralph care?Once moved,he slept and slept,his few walls,a floor. place was empty Sonya would break in again,sledgehammer a "Phone call."Knock,knock."Phone call." He woke up still holding the cleaver.Someone was knocking on He was going to kill himself tomorrow,in front of Pinkus's fingers-a mouth,evidence of a large kiss. He pressed his hand to his pillowcase.A red print,with no Was this his blood,all over? Maybe he should wash his hands. The lines of blood crisscrossed. an inch in the wrong direction could-presto-transform made up.How could it be,in the real world,that a knife moved he watched meander to the edge of his hand.Then,tilting his